We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize