It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
