So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
