Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I understand Curling. That high.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
