please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
