It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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