You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
