i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
