Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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