i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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