i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize