I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
