Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
