i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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