Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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