ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
