Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
