Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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