whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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