i don't like sucking hair
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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