Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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