I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize