Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
