1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
