This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
