I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
