About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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