it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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