lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
