I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
