I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
