u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We have started to decorate penises.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
