her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
