For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
