I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
