it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
FUCK WHALES
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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