Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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