don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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