You're my little dorito
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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