i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
