I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize