Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
