I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
True college students do jello shots in the library
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
