Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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