I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
