dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
