whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
