Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
