i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize