The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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