Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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