this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
