I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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