at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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