it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
