I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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