In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Mom said you looked used
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
