Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
