Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
