I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
