I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
