I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
