Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
