I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
