i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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