My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize