I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So much rum. So many feels.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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